My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
