Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
