i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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