He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
