i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
