He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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