he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
