you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
