were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
