Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
