everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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