Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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