Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
