btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You can't motorboat a personality
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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