Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
