just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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