Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
