I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
