Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
