Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
