I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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