you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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