He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
