just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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