i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
