He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
