I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
