Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
