we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my shit smells like andre
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
