How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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