I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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