I wish I could teleport
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
