i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
