im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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