If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
