As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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