Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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