Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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