the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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