spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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