I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
