Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
