it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
