Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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