I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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