How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
