Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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