If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
