I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
