i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
