I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
