Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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