My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
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I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
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I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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