spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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