So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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