Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
