shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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