My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
