i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
