and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
