dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
