i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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