Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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