What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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