Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
