Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
